If I were asked to post all about and only about the things that are wrong with me I am more than sure the posts would never stop coming your way.
This is going to be one of those, but I want to talk about an issue that I have engraved deeply within myself that is a bit bigger than the small negatives.
I want to talk about how I struggle with rebuking the people that I love. Most of the time that I find myself falling into this dark hole it’s simply because I want to prove a point, or I think it’s the only way that I will be heard and understood.
It’s wrong, and if it is not my worst, it is one of my worst traits.
I do it to anyone that tries to come at me, and I am completely oblivious to it all until I’ve realize the damage that has been done. The truth is that I honestly probably would be completely unaware of this damage if people did not tell me, and another truth is that I don’t know how to stop myself.
It’s almost like a self defense. I very ugly self satisfying, and selfish defense.
Here is what I have found.. I hurt a lot of people, and I’ve said things that are probably still being held into people’s hearts. Some real deep damage. All the sorrys in the world could never make up for the emotional pains that I’ve inflicted on others. Especially the people I love.
I’ve spent the better of this summer loving on so many strangers, and I’ve realized that I was missing out on genuinely loving the people that mean the most to me.
If you have ever fallen victim to my rebuking, I am so so sorry. All that I ask is that you stop me, because I am trying to learn to stop myself. Know that my intentions are obviously just to be heard, but I am doing it in such a wrong way.
This is what I have learned friends.. Never rebuke a friend. Not for selfish needs and wants. While I was rebuking the person; I should have been rebuking the negative they felt in their lives and the negatives that could come into their lives. We should rebuke for and on behalf of our friends, but not them as a person.
I am learning lessons daily, and todays is heavy and crucial for my life. I want to stop hurting people that I love. I will try from now on when I feel like I am not being heard to take it to my prayer closet. I am sorry for the mistakes I have made; please believe me when I say I am trying to keep that ugly in the past because I know that this is something that I cannot continue to do as a christian, better yet as just a human. I am working on bettering my life, and trying to path the way to a much brighter and positive future. Know that I am genuinely trying to work on me.
I love you all so much. Please believe in me as I am trying to believe in myself. Until next time, stay lovely!